ZAPoly Discussion Topic : Polyamory Scheduling/Time Management

Time Management is an issue in any family, "conventional" or otherwise.  Couples need quality time alone with each other. Everyone, of course, needs alone time with themselves. It can be difficult to juggle alone time, together time, work time, play time, and (the biggie!) bathroom time

Time Management is even more of an issue for polyamorous people. Poly people can have heated discussions about scheduling:  How best to do it, which day planner or online calendar system works best. Group scheduling is a big deal. The more people you add to your life, the more complicated it gets.

The first thing you need to do is to figure out how much time you actually have available. Everyone in the world gets 168 hours in the week.  But then there are some non-negotiable time sinks everyone has – like, eating, sleeping,  looking after your own health and hygiene and that of your dependants (kids?) , working ,travelling to work... so how much time do you have available after all that and how to you parcel it out?

Having an online calendar (Google Calendar, Yahoo  Calendar) is an advantage because everyone in the group can see it on the web. Each of them can add events to the calendar. That way, if you want to make plans for a certain time you can check that there are no conflicting events. Of course, this only works if everyone makes an effort to add events as soon as they know about them.  But even if you’re not a geek, you can get a big, cheap paper calendar or whiteboard.

If possible, get together as a group to discuss schedules and time commitments. If you have more than one significant person in your life, especially if they do not all live with you, set time aside for each of them on a regular basis for example one date night per week and one weekend per month.

If you schedule time with a specific person, make it a priority. Do not change your plans unless there is something unexpected and very important that comes up which you cannot work around. In that case, shift that block of time to the next available space, because your lovers have a right to see you.

If you’re lucky, you’ll find that many of your loves like to hang out together in groups.  This cuts down on the scheduling issues. If you’re even luckier, some of your loves will have _different_ emotionally significant days e.g. solstice instead of xmas.

Scheduling is vital in complex relationships. If one of your lovers wishes to be spontaneous, they can make arrangements through your other lovers. Scheduling is negotiable; just try not to make a habit of moving things around too much or you will be back to square one.

Different Issues related to –


-- South African Polyamory

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