ZAPoly Discussion Topic : Heartbreak and Polyamory
And she said losing love
/
Is like a window in your
heart /
Everybody sees you're
blown apart /
Everybody sees the wind
blow
--Paul Simon
Breakups
when you're poly can be particularly tricky. Cos you can't just fall
apart. You have to be practical too. Dealing with the practicalities of
multiple relationships in a small community when experiencing extreme
emotion in one of them is a difficult business.
Two discussion questions:
- "Is getting your heart broken in a poly relationship any
different to getting it broken in a mono relationship"?
- How to handle your heartbreak when you're still active in a
non-broken relationship?
10 Things to discuss with a partner way before you break up
From the Washington Post
- When
ending a relationship, do you tend to blame the other person, yourself,
or other factors internal and external?
- In
interpersonal conflict, what is the best possible outcome?
- In
arguments, who do you believe should have “the last say”?
- When
someone you love strongly disagrees with you (or vice versa), what is
your greatest fear for the outcome?
- Describe
the worst fight you’ve ever had. Did it resolve?
- Describe
the worst recurring fight you’ve ever had. Why do you think it is
recurring?
- If
your significant other asks for something you can’t or don’t want to
give, how do you respond?
- Describe
your worst “heartbreak.” How long did it take to move on?
- What
is the worst thing you have done in response to heartbreak? The best
thing?
- Have
you tried to “stay friends” with any of your exes? Did it
work? Do you regret it?
Best Practices
Fight fair
Treat your soon-to-be-ex with compassion
Recognize when a relationship is over
Engage in self-care during the post-breakup healing process
Discuss expectations
Esther Perel suggests the following ideas to incorporate into
a final conversation:
- Thank you for what Iā€™ve experienced with you.
- This is what I take with me, from you.
- This is what I want you to take with you, from me.
- This is what I wish for you, hence forward.
Useful URLs and resources
-- South African Polyamory http://www.polyamory.co.za
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