ZAPoly Discussion Topic : New Relationship Energy
New Relationship Energy
New Relationship Energy is an important part of the poly terrain,
representing some of the high peaks as well as some of the slopes where
we can stumble if we don't watch our footing.
-- Zhahai Stewart
Remember the last time you fell in love? You were a little bit insane
weren't you? You wanted to spend all the time you had with your new
love, and you talked about them all the time, and you did silly things
like stay up all night talking to them even though you had work the
next day. Poly people call this period of temporary insanity
– new relationship energy.
intoxicating, and it is dangerous.
When you are polyamorous, you can't afford to go completely mad… you
have existing relationships to maintain.
Something to remember when I meet someone new - my existing partner
needs twice as much attention as the new partner.
If your partner is seeing someone new, then they are going to
experience some "new relationship energy", for a little while. There
are 2 sides to NRE. The person who isn't experiencing it has to
remember that "This too shall pass." And try enjoy the bubbliness your
partner is experiencing. Its also important to be able to communicate
your boundaries and needs clearly without blame.
As the person with a new relationship you have to be mindful you don't
act like an idiot and ruin your current relationships. Listen when your
partner points out where you are failing and act to remedy that. Keep
agreements. Be mindful of the effects of your actions. Maintain your
Tip for keeping existing relationships happy – date night. Its no fun
being the one who only gets to do bills and chores and the boring stuff
with you. Always schedule at least one Official Date once a week with
your existing partner where you make a point to focus on each other and
have fun together.
Recovering from harmful effects of NRE on an existing relationship -
the NON-NRE partner might want the following:
1) A sincere expression of regret
2) An acknowledgment of their experience
3) An thorough, candid explanation of what was happening on the NRE’d
4) A plan for change (which might include requests from the NON nre
5) A request for feedback
-- South African Polyamory http://www.polyamory.co.za
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