ZAPoly Discussion Topic : Heartbreak and Polyamory
And she said losing love
Is like a window in your
Everybody sees you're
blown apart /
Everybody sees the wind
when you're poly can be particularly tricky. Cos you can't just fall
apart. You have to be practical too. Dealing with the practicalities of
multiple relationships in a small community when experiencing extreme
emotion in one of them is a difficult business.
Two discussion questions:
- "Is getting your heart broken in a poly relationship any
different to getting it broken in a mono relationship"?
- How to handle your heartbreak when you're still active in a
10 Things to discuss with a partner way before you break up
From the Washington Post
ending a relationship, do you tend to blame the other person, yourself,
or other factors internal and external?
interpersonal conflict, what is the best possible outcome?
arguments, who do you believe should have “the last say”?
someone you love strongly disagrees with you (or vice versa), what is
your greatest fear for the outcome?
the worst fight you’ve ever had. Did it resolve?
the worst recurring fight you’ve ever had. Why do you think it is
your significant other asks for something you can’t or don’t want to
give, how do you respond?
your worst “heartbreak.” How long did it take to move on?
is the worst thing you have done in response to heartbreak? The best
you tried to “stay friends” with any of your exes? Did it
work? Do you regret it?
Best PracticesFight fair
Treat your soon-to-be-ex with compassion
Recognize when a relationship is over
Engage in self-care during the post-breakup healing process
Esther Perel suggests the following ideas to incorporate into a final conversation:
- Thank you for what I’ve experienced with you.
- This is what I take with me, from you.
- This is what I want you to take with you, from me.
- This is what I wish for you, hence forward.
Useful URLs and resources
-- South African Polyamory http://www.polyamory.co.za
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