ZApoly mailing list
Zapoly is the umbrella mailing list for polyamory in South Africa - it
serves as a national polyamory interest and discussion group for
polyamorous and poly-curious South Africans. The mailing list is
currently hosted at groups.io
Goals of ZAPoly
- to establish, cultivate and expand a self-sustaining
friendly community of polyamorous and polyamory-friendly South Africans
- to establish, maintain and promote sources of good
quality, easily findable information on polyamory
- to assist polyamory to become a well known and accepted
- to create safe social and discussion spaces for
people, where they feel comfortable expressing their hopes, fears, joys
- to share knowledge about polyamory and provide support for
people in polyamorous relationships and their friends and family
Join with simply an email address
1. Send email to
the email address you want to use for receiving polyamory discussion
2. You will be then automatically be sent an email with
"Confirm Your Groups.io
Reply to this email. If the confirmation
email does not appear to arrive, then check your spam/junk folder.
3. You will then automatically be sent an email with subject "Your pending membership in the email@example.com group".
Reply to the questions posed in this email.
4. If you reply satisfactorily to the
emailed questions the moderators will approve your join request.
5. Once you have been approved by the moderators, you will
receive an email with subject "Welcome to firstname.lastname@example.org".
6. Read this email, and then make your first post to the
mailing list by sending email to ,
optionally including your answers to the questions 3.. If you
want to rsvp to a particular event, specify which event on which day
you wish to attend (there are typically 3 events across different
cities each month)
When you send (also known as posting) an email message to the
mailing list, it goes to every subscriber (about 320 odd at the
moment). Replies "on list" go to everyone too. this way, everyone gets
to participate in the discussion.
Our forum may headline as a polyamory support group, but under that
headline are several important bylines to keep in mind - we support
LGBTQI equality, equality of the sexes, racial equality, and reject
ableism, slutshaming, body shaming, transphobia and other forms of
general hatefulness. We consider this group/mailing list a safe
space and aim to protect it. We define a safe space as an area or forum
where a marginalised group are not supposed to face standard mainstream
stereotypes and marginalisation. Our shared social viewpoint is is that
polyamory is a viable and ethical relationship option and that social
justice is a good thing.
We have a team of moderators.
Your initial messages may be moderated. This is just to
ensure that you are not a spammer/other undesirable. If you are under
initial moderation, once acceptable messages have been
received, moderated status of your account will be discontinued.
Moderation (and similar tools) may be employed for people who violate
our rules and don't support our goals. We reserve the right
to quell flame wars. If you strongly object to a moderation
decision, please feel free to mail the moderators, and we
will caucus and reply to you off-list. Moderation discussions are done
These are our rules and guidelines:
1. Feel free to share your experiences, questions, and advice that
relate to polyamory
2. Feel free to post links to polyamory-related articles and websites
you have found with an explanation of why you think it is noteworthy
3. No trolling, whether intentional or unintentional
4. No solicitation of goods or services (Announcements about local
polyamory-related events are allowed)
5. No harassment
6. No personal attacks on people either in-group or out-group
7. Be clear and concise
8. Attempt to practise nonviolent communication (also known as
9. Obligatory Polyamory content (ObPoly) - Conversations do drift -
most vaguely relevant polite discussion is fine as long as there is
some poly content linking your thought process back to polyamory
somewhere in the post and makes an attempt at practising non-violent
10. Change the subject line - When the main points of your post become
different to the subject line of the post you are responding to -
change it appropriately.
11. Be sensitive with the information you disclose on the list - some
people are not "out" to everyone about their interest in polyamory and
may not wish their names or other details to be revealed in public. If
necessary, use pseudonyms to refer to people instead of their real
12. No forwarding/reproducing emails. It is
extremely bad form to forward/reproduce emails from a support
mailing list without the author's explicit consent, so don't do it.
13. Don't employ logical fallacies in discussions.
14. No posting of quiz results or non-poly-related mass-forwarded email
15. No using the mailing list to convert people to your religion,
ideology or political beliefs.
16. This is NOT a dating site NOR a venue to find random sexual
encounters - people making such posts will be removed.
17. No personal ads on the mailing list.
18. Support a consent culture
Please read these informative links about safe spaces, consent culture,
trolling, non violent communication and logical fallacies:
Safe Space https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe-space
Non violent communication tutorial http://www.listeningway.com/cctutorial-1.html
Logical fallacies : https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/
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